


Please Don't Go

by HomeForImaginaryFriends



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ghosts, Homophobia, M/M, Not a lot of blood, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 07:23:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8195785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HomeForImaginaryFriends/pseuds/HomeForImaginaryFriends
Summary: Kuroo Tetsurou's boyfriend was in a car accident two years ago that took his life, but it's okay (not great, but not the worst) because Hinata Shouyou is still with him, even though now he's a ghost who only Kuroo can see.  Everything is going fine until Kuroo stumbles upon Sawamura Daichi, though nothing is a coincidence as Kuroo finds out.





	1. Chapter One

_“Hinata, you’re late.” Kuroo spoke into the phone, his temples throbbing from a headache that he’s had since he woke up. He wanted to go home, take a nice long, hot shower and curl up in bed but instead he was outside, freezing his ass off and waiting for his perpetually late boyfriend in the middle of winter._

_“I know, I know, I’m nearly there!” Hinata apologized to someone away from the phone, probably bumping into people on the street as he jogged towards the movie theater. Kuroo was a little irritated that he would apologize to complete strangers but not his own boyfriend. Hinata knew Kuroo was tired and had a throbbing headache, but he had still insisted they go to the movies._

_“If you’re not here in two minutes I’m leaving.” Kuroo threatened._

_“Don’t leave,” Then louder from somewhere across the street. “I’m here!” Hinata waved enthusiastically from the other side of the road. Kuroo sighed loudly, knowing Hinata could hear it because his own phone was still pressed against the side of his face. Hinata started jogging across the street, making Kuroo’s fingers twitch because he never checks the street before crossing. Stupid country asshole, no common decency for overworked boyfriends or obeying simple-_

_“Shouyou!” Breaks squealed and there was a terrible crunching noise._

“Tetsu, over here!” Kuroo Tetsurou makes his way to where he believed his boyfriends chipper voice came from. Due to his long legs and graceful, loping stride he managed to make it to the back of the store quickly. Though the flower shop wasn’t all that large to begin with. “These, alstroemeria. They have orange ones too.” Hinata Shouyou grinned up at him, not even attempting to hide his bias towards orange colored things. Kuroo knew it has more to do with his old high school colors than the vibrancy of Hinata’s hair, it just happened to help that Kuroo attended the rival school of HInata’s.

“What does it mean?” Kuroo questioned softly, gently rubbing the soft petals between his fingers. Hinata watches the movement, brown eyes looking more golden under the fluorescent lighting.

“Withstanding the trials of everyday life.” Hinata smiles, a secret sparkling in his eyes as he glanced up at Kuroo. “Devotion and mutual support, between two family members or friends.” There was something else, Kuroo could see it in the slant of Hinata’s mouth and the tilt of his shoulders. His boyfriend wasn’t a good liar on the best of days, and Kuroo was better than most at reading people. Especially people who he has known since they were teenagers.

“Family members or friends? Are you trying to tell me something Shouyou?” Kuroo’s voice is still soft, nothing more than a gentle whisper even though Hinata had been speaking at a normal volume. It had taken a while for Hinata to teach himself that even though Kuroo had to be careful and quiet, he did not have to take the same precautions.

“Have you made your decision?” The flower shop employee walked through Hinata, breaking the small illusion and causing Kuroo’s heart to twist in a familiar ache. Hinata was quick to move away, smiling up at the taller man. Though most people were taller than Hinata.

“These please, and whatever you think will look good with them.” Kuroo’s eyes darted to the name tag attached to the green apron. “Thank you Ennoshita.” The man gave a small smile, grabbing a couple of the orange flowers before moving around the shop.

“Poor Chikara, he looks more tired than usual.” Hinata knew everyone at the small flower shop, though that wasn’t difficult because if they had more than three employee’s, Kuroo would be surprised. Though Hinata had always made an effort to befriend everyone he came across, of course he would know Ennoshita’s given name, and know that the sleepy look on the man’s face was out of character. “He’s in love with a straight man.” Hinata supplied as Kuroo made his way to the counter.

Hinata loved flowers, it was one of the first things he had filled their apartment with when they moved in together. Kuroo had managed to keep all the plants alive, but he hadn’t had it in him to replace the flowers that had withered away after- well, just after. Hinata had only had to ask, lower lip caught between his teeth, fingers twisting in his sweater, and Kuroo had caved and came to the flower shop down the street from their apartment.

“I think Tanaka loves Chikara though,” Hinata continued on. Kuroo tilted his head slightly to the side to show he was still listening, but his eyes were on Ennoshita as he arranged the flowers with precision before wrapping them loosely in yellow paper. Kuroo remembered Tanaka, the bald headed man who hadn’t even tried to stop his tears at Hinata’s- well, he had cried. A lot. Kuroo remembered him briefly before that as being brash and trying to intimidate Kuroo when Hinata had introduced his new boyfriend to his old friends. “Can that happen? Can you have a gender preference except for when it comes to one specific person? I bet there’s a name for it, I think Tanaka loves women but he loves Chikara more.” Hinata is sitting on the counter, his face a centimeter away from Ennoshita’s. Kuroo wants to pull him back even though he knows Ennoshita doesn’t feel the calculating stare of Hinata Shouyou on him.

Hinata didn’t respect personal boundaries before, Kuroo shouldn’t really expect him to listen to common decency when he was a ghost.

Hinata Shouyou died at age 23. He had been crossing the street when he was hit by a car. It wasn’t even anyone’s fault. Hinata should have looked each way to make sure there weren’t oncoming cars, but there had just been one and they had plenty of time to slow down. They had tried, but their tires had slid on black ice. They hadn’t even been going that fast, there wasn’t even that much damage done to the car. Hinata had died on impact. Hinata died before Kuroo could even drop his phone, before he could even run over to his boyfriends prone body spayed awkwardly on the cold, snow covered concrete. Hinata Shouyou was dead and gone before Kuroo had a chance to cradle his body and sob into his knit cap, a stupidly ugly thing Kuroo had made during his early knitting days that Hinata had worn with pride even though Kuroo could have made something new and better.

 

 

_People tried to pull them apart, but Kuroo couldn’t let them. Someone had to help Shouyou, why wasn’t anyone trying to help Shouyou?_

_“It’s okay, I’m an EMT, let me see him.” The deep, smooth voice penetrated the fog that had overtaken Kuroo’s usually quick mind. He carefully eased Hinata to the ground as strong, gentle hands pressed against Kuroo._

_It was like a jump cut in a movie. One moment Kuroo had been on the ground, kneeling next to Hinata, and the next moment he was walking towards an ambulance. Once he realized what was happening he started struggling, fighting weakly to turn and go back to Hinata._

_“I can’t leave him, I can’t leave him- no, I can’t leave him, please.” There was something wrong with Kuroo’s voice. It was wrong, wrong, wrong, just like everything that was happening. “He wanted to see that new movie, we have to go to the movies, please, I can’t- I can’t-” His voice failed him. His body was failing him too, but something was keeping him up. “Please Shouyou, please.” His voice rasped out, sounding nothing like him. His throat hurt, his whole body hurt but none of that mattered because they were pulling him away from Hinata._

_“Tetsu?” The voice cut through the fog and Kuroo turned. Hinata was sitting in the ambulance, looking confused and panicked. There was something dark and red all over him, his knit cap was tilted to the side, only covering one ear._

_Something lifted him into the ambulance, pushing him onto the gurney. His eyes stayed glued to Hinata._

_“Don’t leave me,” Kuroo pleaded, his throat feeling like it was closing up. It felt difficult to breath and there were spots in his vision but he kept his eyes on Hinata._

_“I’m not going anywhere.” Hinata promised and that was enough for Kuroo._

 

 

The little bell above the door rang cheerfully, catching Hinata’s attention away from poor, unsuspecting Ennoshita. Hinata’s entire expression changed, a wide sunny smile spread over and he stood up on the counter.

“Daichi!” Hinata called out, hopping off the counter and making Kuroo’s breath catch in his throat. His hands twitched, wanting to reach out and make sure he didn’t fall, but he knew it was pointless.

“Good morning Sawamura,” Ennoshita greeted, looking a bit more awake and genuinely happy. Kuroo took this opportunity to turn and look at who had entered and elicited the happy responses from Hinata and Ennoshita.

Sawamura Daichi looked like a slightly older and more muscular version of Ennoshita. He was shorter than Kuroo, probably around 180 centimeters, but he was broader. Not too muscular or wide, just lean with muscle. His dark hair was cut rather short, and his broad and handsome face was twisted up in a gentle smile.

There was something familiar about the other man.

“Morning,” Sawamura greeted, his eyes sliding over to Kuroo and opening wider in surprise. Before anything else could happen Ennoshita rung up the total and Kuroo was handing over money. Kuroo took the flowers with a thanks before walking out of the shop, Hinata following along behind him.

 

 

_Kuroo’s feet dragged as he walked over the threshold into his apartment. He suddenly could understand why Kenma was always exhausted after extended human interaction. Kuroo had never felt that way before, never felt like the only thing keeping him upright was the promise of a bed where no one would bother him._

_An empty bed, an empty apartment, an empty life._

_Kuroo leaned against the closed door behind him and slid down, cradling his head in his hands. His mind still felt foggy, nothing felt tangible, like it was all some misty dream he’d wake up from soon. He wanted to wake up from this neverending nightmare._

_“It was a good turn out, don’t you think?” A chipper voice came from deeper in the apartment. Kuroo banged his head against the door before toeing off his shoes and letting them stay where ever they landed. His mom would have been horrified at his bad manners, not that it mattered. She hadn’t even bothered to show up today. “Is there a word for being surprised but not surprised at all? That’s how I felt. I mean I know I thought I was friends with everyone, but other people usually don’t see it that way. People don’t believe you can be friends after a first meeting or a 15 minute conversation, which is just no way to live.”_

_Kuroo went to work making tea as the voice continued to talk. Kuroo was trying his best not to acknowledge his delusion, while doing his best to catch every word. Every thoughtful hum and small inhale of air as he continued chatting._

_“There was a lot of crying. That was- I didn’t really like that.” With nothing left to do but wait for the water to boil, Kuroo looked over where Hinata was sitting up on the counter. His feet were swinging back and forth but they made no sound against the cabinets below him._

_“Natsu yelled.” Kuroo said when the silence stretched too long for him. His voice was a dull rasp. Kuroo didn’t remember much from the day, but he did remember Natsu’s small hand in his and the moment when she pulled away and her angry shouts, her mother's soft sobbing, Kenma pushing his shoulder against Kuroos._

_“Yeah she did, she had a right to!” Hinata pounded his fist on the counter but it didn’t make any noise. Kuroo’s stomach twisted painfully._

_“What happened?” Kuroo asked as the kettle started to whistle. He turned his back on his boyfriend, his mind panicking that if he let him out of his sight he’d disappear completely, but Hinata’s voice continued on behind him._

_“You were right there,” Hinata said before sighing. “I guess you were a little out of it.” That was putting it lightly. Kuroo hardly remembered the service, and he couldn’t even remember how he got home except for shaking off Bokuto’s hands when he headed into his apartment. “They were just talking shit they had no right to! Drama leeches.” Hinata spat out, making Kuroo’s mouth twist up even while the space by his heart throbbed painfully._

_“They were talking about me?” Kuroo asked, turning back towards Hinata, who was leaning back on his hands. The charcoal suit fit him perfectly, the orange tie just the right splash of color. The only reason the Hinata siblings would get so defensive would be for someone else's sake._

_“Because you weren’t crying,” Hinata scrunched up his face before leaning forward, gold eyes sparking angrily. “Like they weren’t full grown adults that should know everyone handles grief differently.”_

_Grief. Because Kuroo had been attending Hinata’s funeral, his own boyfriends funeral and Kuroo hadn’t cried. He didn’t even realize he hadn’t cried until just then. Somehow the funeral felt less real than talking with his dead boyfriend in their apartment._

_“Hey Tetsu, can we watch that documentary on the history of volleyball? I know you still have it saved.” Hinata grinned, his mood shifting quickly in a heart achingly familiar way. Hinata never managed to hold onto anger or any negative emotion for too long. It’s why he’d never blame Kuroo for being at fault for his death, even though Kuroo knew what he had done. If Kuroo hadn’t gotten angry, if he hadn’t threatened to leave then Hinata wouldn’t have been rushing. If Hinata had just been one minute later, everything would be fine._

_“Sure, we can watch it.” Kuroo gave in without a fight, moving to the living room with two tea mugs, placing them down on the old coffee table. Kuroo grabbed the remote and switched on the documentary before settling down on the couch. Hinata settled next to him, and Kuroo tried not to notice the way the old couch didn’t sag in the slightest under him._

_Kuroo was okay with feeding into his delusions if it meant spending more time with Hinata._

 

 

“How do you know Sawamura?” Kuroo asked as he walked back towards their apartment. Kuroo wasn’t surprised at Hinata knowing people Kuroo didn’t. Kuroo had always believed himself to be a social person, that was until he met Hinata.  The term 'social butterfly' took on a whole new meaning.

“He was the EMT who took care of you,” Hinata said after a moment of staring at Kuroo’s profile. The only time Kuroo had needed an EMT was after Hinata’s accident. Kuroo remembered less from that night then he did of the following days.

“You’ve been keeping track of him?” Kuroo couldn’t help the smirk that came over his face, he tried to hide it by smelling the flowers in his hand. Most people ignored a man talking to himself on the street, the crowdedness of Tokyo meant people didn’t really pay attention to others around them. But Kuroo found that a smirking man by himself somehow made people nervous.

Talk to yourself all you want, just don’t smile for no reason.

“He’s great!” Hinata shouted, jumping excitedly next to Kuroo. “He plays volleyball on a neighborhood association and he’s so good Tetsurou, I couldn’t match his receives if I practiced for a 100 years! Plus he’s friendly to everyone he meets, and everyone likes him, except sometimes he smiles and it’s the most terrifying look I’ve ever seen. But he buys flowers for people who don’t have visitors at the hospital.” Kuroo isn’t surprised by the amount of information Hinata has on Sawamura. At first he had tried to get Hinata to respect other people's privacies, but when Kuroo needed to work or the few times he actually went out with friends, Hinata found himself people watching. At least he had stopped floating through people's houses, Kuroo really did not need to know all the odd things his neighbors had.

“Does someone have a crush?” Kuroo asked, smirk widening as he walked into their apartment, holding the door open even though doors meant nothing to ghosts. Neither of them liked to be reminded that Hinata was no longer completely apart of the same world as Kuroo.

“No!” Hinata automatically denied, but it was too quick and a little too shrill. Hinata groaned and crouched down, burying his hands into his hair as Kuroo laughed at the dramatics. Both Kuroo and Hinata were friendly, tactical men. They had both admitted that it was a bit beyond them to just shut down their libidos except when it came to the other person, so crushes were allowed. It didn’t mean they didn’t get jealous. “Why do you have such a pervy look on your face?”

“I was just thinking of the time with Terushima,” Hinata frowned before his face turned red. Hinata had worked on a project with Terushima when he was still in university, and he had liked the others piercings and tattoos a little too much. The guilt of finding someone else besides his boyfriend that attractive had built up, and exploded in the best way. “You couldn’t walk straight-”

“Pervy-Kuroo!” Hinata shouted before dashing down the hallway, but not before Kuroo saw the grin on his face. Kuroo laughed, a loud happy sound as he followed at a more leisurely pace.

“He did have nice thighs.” Kuroo admitted as he pulled a vase out of the cabinets in the kitchen and filled it with water.

“Terushima?” Hinata asked.

“No, Sawamura, though Terushima’s weren’t bad either.” Kuroo answered, still smirking.

“You should see Daichi’s back and shoulders.” Hinata’s cheeks were red, but his grin was anything but innocent.

“Hinata!”

“I wasn’t spying on purpose! I didn’t realize he was just going to take his shirt off!”

“Where was he when he did this?”

“Locker room at the hospital?”

“And you called me pervy.”

“Everyone calls you pervy, you seduced an innocent, bright eyed, bushy tailed first year high schooler.” Hinata covered his face dramatically, ruining the effect by peeking through his fingers.

“Maybe I should tell those people about the time you got on your knees at the karaoke place and-”

“Kuroo you promised never to mention that again!” Kuroo cackled as he walked into the living room to put the vase full of flowers in the middle of the coffee table. “See? They brighten up the whole room.” Kuroo looked over at Hinata, who was examining the flowers from every angle. Kuroo didn’t think it was the flowers that brightened up the room.

 

 

_Akaashi was staring at Kuroo. It had been that way since Bokuto and him had barged into his apartment earlier. Well, Bokuto barged, Akaashi reluctantly followed to make sure his boyfriend didn’t harm or break anything. Kuroo had declined their invites to come out for dinner, so of course in some strange twist of fate, he was out to dinner with them plus Kenma. Bokuto had some strange power over people that made them do what he wanted, he must have powers because there was no way someone sophisticated and mature like Akaashi would agree to date him otherwise._

_Akaashi didn’t stare though. Akaashi didn’t do anything that wasn’t exceptionally well mannered, and staring was rude. Also it was horribly unnerving to be on the receiving end of that flat stare. Kuroo had no idea how Bokuto handled it, since Akaashi’s manners extended to everyone but Bokuto._

_“Bokuto,” Akaashi spoke softly, and with some weird telepathy most couples develope after a certain amount of time of dating each other, Bokuto nodded._

_“I need to piss!” Bokuto announced loudly, making Akaashi close his eyes and take a deep breath._

_“Uh-oh, now you’re in for it.” Hinata breathed into Kuroo’s ear, and Kuroo pretended he could feel the warmth of it. “I told you to go out with them before this, now Akaashi’s going to give you a talking to because you’re worrying Kou, and whatever worries Kou affects everyone in the immediate vicinity.” Hinata was right, of course, but Kuroo just couldn’t get the energy to do anything but work and come home to spend time with his disillusion of a boyfriend._

_Bokuto dragged Kenma along, who protested weakly but allowed himself to be pulled over to the bathroom. Kuroo stared stubbornly down at his half eaten dinner._

_“Yeah, he’s still looking at you, avoiding eye contact isn’t going to solve anything, this is Akaashi- wait is he looking at me?” Kuroo’s head snapped up, and Akaashi was looking to the left of Kuroo, where Hinata was situated. “Akaashi can you see me?” Hinata asked excitedly, and Akaashi tilted his head before his dark eyes connected with Kuroo’s._

_“Kuroo, I need to ask you something that might be unorthodox.” Akaashi spoke carefully, his eyes sliding over to where Hinata was before staring at Kuroo once more._

_“Can you see Shouyou?” Kuroo asked a little too loudly, causing Akaashi to flinch, but it was best just to get it out there. He could tell Akaashi was having a difficult time broaching the subject, and Kuroo had never had great manners to begin with._

_“I suppose that answers my question,” Akaashi folded his napkin carefully before sighing. “But to answer your question, no, at least not in the way you can see him. It’s more of a different sense. Sound and feeling and colors where Hinata is. Is he excited right now?”_

_“He’s dancing.” Kuroo answered, feeling like he might cry. He could believe that grief had made him go insane, but Akaashi? No, Akaashi was the most level headed person Kuroo knew. If Akaashi said Hinata was still here, then Hinata was still here._

_“Hello Hinata,” Akaashi’s voice sounded thick, and it took Kuroo’s unusually slow mind to realize he was holding back tears. Unlike Bokuto, who was always stuck at the loud setting, Hinata could match his energy level to the other people around him. It wasn’t something he did purposefully, or something he even practiced, it was just an innate trait. It was why he could get along with someone like Bokuto and was equally liked by someone like Kenma. Hinata was one of the few people that didn’t exhaust Kenma to be around._

_“Hi Akaashi! I can’t believe this, I told Tetsu he wasn’t crazy, I told him I was a motherfucking ghost and not some product of his broken psyche, can’t break my boyfriends mind that easy!” Hinata shouted, jumping around excitedly before suddenly leaning over the table, looking at Akaashi. “How are you? How’s your dog? Did you find out about the stain I left on your couch? Bokuto said it was fine if we just flipped the cushion, but I felt bad.”_

_“He’s feeling- guilty?” Akaashi asked uncertainly._

_“He feels bad about the stain on your couch.” Kuroo answered. Akaashi nodded slowly before covering his mouth with his hand and dipping his head low._

_“Did you make Akaashi cry? Bokuto is going to kill you!” Hinata paced worriedly behind Akaashi._

_“How inappropriate, I’m sorry- I’m sorry. Just give me a moment.” Akaashi pleaded quietly, his shoulders trembling just the tiniest bit._

_“Hey hey-” The third hey was lost in Bokuto’s throat as his eyes caught on Akaashi’s form. He rushed over and gently rubbed the other man's back while running his other hand through his black hair. “Keiji? What’s wrong? What happened?” Kenma sat down slowly, looking Akaashi and Bokuto over before keen, cat-like eyes studied Kuroo._

_“I told you going out to dinner was a bad idea,” Hinata said, back to his position on Kuroo’s left._

 

 

After the flower shop run in with Sawamura, Kuroo seemed to run into the other man everywhere. Kuroo had no doubt that it was all some convoluted plan of Hinata’s, though Kuroo had no idea what the outcome would be. Probably for Kuroo to get out and meet new people, leave their apartment more often.

Sawamura was everything Hinata raved him to be, and then some. Which was only slightly irritating for Kuroo, which led him to try and irritate Sawamura also. Sawamura did have a frightening smile, but Kuroo found he liked it for some reason.

At first glance people might dismiss Sawamura as plain, but the more Kuroo looked, the more he could see he was anything but plain. His skin was nicely tanned, when he rolled up his sleeves he revealed defined forearms, while his t shirts hugged the muscles on his shoulders quite nicely. His laugh was pleasant, deep like his voice. Even with bags under his eyes, they were still nice eyes. A jaw you could cut yourself on and a mouth that was great to stare at no matter what way it was twisted all added up to Kuroo developing a crush on the other man also.

The bastard was perfect, and that really pissed Kuroo off.

Even his receives were perfect!

“Nice one Daichi!” Bokuto called out from his spot on Sawamura’s team. Kuroo had no idea how he got dragged into this game, he hadn’t played volleyball in two years since Hinata’s accident. He had no desire to play volleyball, but one moment he was talking to Sawamura at a coffee shop, staring into stupidly nice looking brown eyes, and the next moment he was nodding along when Sawamura asked if he wanted to play with the neighborhood association.

Sawamura grinned over at Kuroo, a challenge between former captains. Sawamura might just be the nicest guy Kuroo’s ever met, but he was just as competitive as Kuroo. Just as proud when he received a spike. Received one of Kuroo’s spikes, damn but he was out of shape. Unlike Sawamura, who’s sweat had practically molded his shirt to his torso in a way that should be illegal.  Kuroo felt like he was drowning in his own sweat, not attractive in the least.

“Having trouble breathing?” Sawamura asked, all mock niceness as they stared at each other through the net.

“You’ll have trouble breathing in a minute,” Kuroo refused to believe he wheezed the words out. Sawamura eyed him with a glee that worried Kuroo. The toss went to Kuroo, who crouched down and waited until Sawamura jumped to block the spike, before jumping up and gently dumping the ball over onto Sawamura’s side.

Sawamura stared down at the ball before tossing his head back and laughing. The sound and the sight wiped the smirk off of Kuroo’s face. Kuroo felt something twist in his stomach and he looked around, not spotting Hinata anywhere though he had come with Kuroo to the game. Kuroo felt something akin to guilt build up. He knew how much volleyball meant to Hinata.

A knee injury at the end of Hinata’s third year in high school had him sitting out during their national game. It could have made Hinata bitter and cold, but he cheered just as loudly as anyone else, swaying dangerously on his crutches. There had been more metal than bone in Hinata’s knee after the surgery, and he could have woken up from it angry, but instead he had woken up with a new occupation. Teaching, where he would worm his way into either coaching or sponsoring the volleyball team.

Hinata had never been the jealous type, except for when it came to his height. But it had been two years since he played, and even Hinata had his limits.

Kuroo played half heartedly through the rest of the game. Not only had he been so engrossed in the game he had forgotten about Hinata, he had also been checking out Sawamura. Kuroo felt disgusted with himself.

“Nice game, kind of makes me wish we had played each other in high school or college.” Sawamura said as he handed Kuroo a water bottle. Kuroo took a deep drink, trying to collect his thoughts and not snap at Sawamura. It wasn’t the other man's fault Kuroo felt guilty. “Bokuto said it had been a while since you played?”

“Two years.” Kuroo answered, wiping his sweaty face with a towel and still trying to get his breathing under control. It didn’t help that Sawamura only sounded a little winded.

“Two years?” Sawamura flinched because he knew what had happened two years ago that would have caused Kuroo to stop playing volleyball. Yet both of them operated under the charade that they didn’t have any previous history together. It wasn’t too hard for Kuroo at least, he didn’t actually remember Sawamura from that night. Just a deep voice and gentle hands. “We would love to have you back, you don’t have to answer right now.”

“I’m a little out of shape,” Kuroo gave a self deprecating grin. His breath was still wheezing out of him in painful bursts. “I’m going to feel this tomorrow.”

“We could work out together?” Sawamura was looking down at his bag, pushing things aside until he pulled out his towel. “Here, I’ll help you stretch so it won’t be so bad.”

“Yes Captain.” Kuroo mumbled, earning one of Sawamura’s scary smiles as he pushed the taller man over to where everyone else was standing about. Sawamura called for stretches and everyone complied, making Kuroo smirk over at Sawamura who rolled his eyes. “Once a captain.” Kuroo trailed off and Sawamura pushed lightly against his back. He was a solid, warm weight behind him. It nearly threw Kuroo off, when was the last time he had felt the heat of another person against him?

“Need I remind you but you were a captain too.” Sawamura’s hands were large and calloused, but still somehow soft against Kuroo’s overheated skin.

“Yeah but no one on Nekoma respected Kuroo.” Bokuto chirped happily from his spot on the ground.

“You’re one to talk Bo,” Kuroo grimaced as he stretched out his overworked legs.

“My team respected me!” Bokuto yelled defensively as the other men in the group laughed. “They did! They just had an odd way of showing it, I wouldn’t expect the likes of you to understand that.” Everyone laughed again, causing Bokuto to pout. Kuroo checked to make sure he wasn’t truly offended before switching Sawamura spots.

The muscles on Sawamura’s back were even better to touch than look at. Something fluttered beneath his ribs while his stomach twisted. He needed to get out of there before he did something truly embarrassing, like call out for his ghost boyfriend or vomit all over Sawamura’s perfect head and muscular back.

“So, Daichi’s a pretty great guy.” Bokuto said as they walked together away from the gym. He was so obvious it made Kuroo’s temples throb.

“Drop it Bo,” Kuroo said without any heat. He was just so tired, he wanted Hinata.

 

 

_“Why is there a wedding invitation in the garbage?” Hinata asked as Kuroo made dinner._

_“Why are you going through the garbage?” Kuroo questioned back, already feeling his shoulders stiffen up._

_“You know I can’t go through the garbage, it’s sitting right on the top.” Hinata waited a full minute before realizing Kuroo wasn’t going to break the silence. “Your sister is getting married.”_

_“Whoopie-fucking-do.” Kuroo deadpanned, ignoring Hinata as he moved to the edge of Kuroo’s vision._

_“She sent you an invitation, it sounds like a tree branch to me.” Hinata filled the silence, as he usually did._

_“Olive branch.” Kuroo corrected automatically, still refusing to look over at the shorter man even when he huffed in aggravation._

_“Both stupid ass things to give to someone when you’re trying to make peace, so who cares? The point is she invited you, she wants you to be there, you should go. This could be a chance to-”_

_“What Hinata? What chance could this be?” Kuroo exploded, turning to the ginger man who had his hands on his hips, ready to fight. They hadn’t fought since the accident, and thinking about it now made Kuroo want to curl up in on himself but he forged ahead. “A chance for my parents to tell me once again what a disgrace I am? How much shame I’ve brought to the family? How they would rather me be dead than gay?” Kuroo was shouting now._

_“This isn’t about your parents, this is about your sister!” Hinata shouted back, but no one would be able to hear his side of the conversation besides Kuroo. That thought made Kuroo even angrier._

_“And they will be there because she’s their perfect child! Not like me, the horrible stain on the families name!” Kuroo turned off the stove and shoved the pan off the hot burner when the sauce started to bubble. Sauce sloshed everywhere, adding more fuel to Kuroo’s fire of built up bitterness and anger._

_“She was only 15 when they disowned you Kuroo, she didn’t have any other choice.” Hinata said into the sudden silence._

_“I don’t blame her for doing what she had to do to survive,” Kuroo spoke softly, dangerously. “But I will not give them a chance to fuck with me again.”_

_“Tetsu-”_

_“They called after the car accident, did you know that? About a month after, they wanted me to come over and like an idiot I did. Do you want to know what we discussed at this dinner Shouyou? Any ideas?” Kuroo was leaning over Hinata, using his formidable height to tower over the other man. But Hinata was too use to people trying to use their height on him, he just met Kuroo’s stare head on. “They told me it was a good thing what happened to you, that now I could come back to the family and forget all about you and our time together. Just forget the past 7 years, just forget that you were the best thing that ever happened to me.” Kuroo was sobbing now but he didn’t care. “They were glad you were dead.”_

 

 

Hinata wasn’t home when Kuroo arrived at the apartment. He wasn’t home after Kuroo took a shower, nor did he appear after Kuroo forced down some cold take out from the previous night.

Kuroo crawled into the sheets that Hinata had picked out. Sheets that were threadbare now, that no longer smelled anything like Hinata in a bed that hadn’t been warmed by anyone's body besides Kuroo’s in two years.

It should have been a good day, but as Kuroo curled up into himself he couldn’t shake off the horrible pressure all over his body. He missed Hinata, which only made him feel worse because he was still here with him. He had stayed because Kuroo was completely lost without him. But he missed Hinata’s warmth, the strength in his small body. Kuroo missed the way Hinata did everything with his body, from hugging to laughing to kissing. He missed the small touches, the brush of Hinata’s shoulder against his arm. The way Hinata wrapped his pinky around Kuroos when they were in public, just a quick squeeze before he let go. The pats on his back and the pokes to his side. Kuroo missed the big touches. The slide of Hinata’s body against his, slick with sweat and burning with heat. The way Hinata would hug Kuroo from behind after a bad day and rest his forehead between his shoulder blades. The way Hinata loved being the big spoon, nudging and tugging Kuroo’s body into place and then surrounding him in a way that someone below 170 centimeters just shouldn’t be able to do.

Kuroo missed laying his head against Hinata’s chest in the early mornings, before the ginger haired man woke and listening to the steady beat of his heart. He missed Hinata’s fingers running idly through Kuroo’s hair when he rested his head in the others lap as they watched TV. He missed bumping into Hinata’s body in their too small kitchen. He missed Hinata jumping up and wrapping his legs around Kuroos waist, pushing the smaller man against the wall and kissing him until they were both breathless.

Kuroo couldn’t even cry, he didn’t deserve to cry because while he couldn’t touch his boyfriend anymore, he still saw him. Still woke up to Hinata’s soft humming. Still was able to see his wide happy grins, his scrunched up nose when he got confused, still heard his overly loud voice. Kuroo could still make Hinata blush, and Hinata could do the same to him. Hinata was still around to make Kuroo laugh. To argue about stupid things and order Kuroo around.

Kuroo was lucky and he knew he was being ungrateful. Ungrateful and unfaithful because he could still feel the heat of Sawamura against his back. Could still feel the hard muscles under his hands.

“Tetsurou, come here.” Kuroo didn’t even hear Bokuto come in, which was odd because Bokuto was always so loud, but when Kuroo got into these moods he had a habit of losing time.

“Don’t touch me, I don’t deserve it.” Kuroo sobbed dryly but he was too weak to fight off Bokuto’s insistent hands.

“I’ve got you man, I’ve got you.” Bokuto spoke softly, pulling Kuroo tightly against him as he rubbed Kuroo’s back. Kuroo clenched his eyes tightly shut, hoping against hope that when he woke up, this nightmare would finally end.

 

 

When Kuroo woke up he instantly knew the nightmare hadn’t ended, that the nightmare was his life because his beautiful, wonderful boyfriend was lying on the bed next to him, crowding close, but not touching him.

“Why don’t you hate me?” Kuroo asked, voice raspy.

“Stupid question,” Hinata scoffed. “I could never hate you.” Neither of them had ever figured out why Hinata’s body went through somethings, but then he could also sit on counters or lay on beds.

“Stupid answer,” Kuroo shot back without heat. “I made you stay here.” Because as much as Kuroo missed being touched by Hinata, he knew it was worse for the ginger. Hinata couldn’t touch anyone, couldn’t interact with anyone but Kuroo.

“Stupid retort, I made that decision myself.” Hinata hummed softly and Kuroo felt his eyes burn because he couldn’t feel Hinata’s breath on his face, though they should be breathing the same air with how close they were laying.

“You’re trying to shove me off on Sawamura.” Kuroo accused softly. He hadn’t been positive at first, but from the widening of Hinata’s eyes Kuroo knew he was right.

“I want you to be happy again.” Hinata finally spoke up after a long stretch of silence.

“I am happy.” Well, not currently, but everyone had their bad days.

“You like Daichi.” Kuroo shook his head firmly but Hinata talked over his denials. “You do, because I’ve been shoving you into the paths of available men for the past year and you’ve never noticed, until now. You feel guilty for liking Daichi, which is just- well, it’s stupid.”

The problem was he did like Sawamura, despite trying his hardest not to. He liked his looks yes, those didn’t hurt but there was so much more. Kuroo liked that he had two, old rescued cats that took up a good majority of the pictures on Sawamura’s phone despite Sawamura insisting that he was really a dog person. Kuroo liked that he brought flowers to people who didn’t have visitors at the hospital. He liked how Sawamura still found joy in playing a sport that told him he wasn’t good enough in college. He liked how much of a hard worker Sawamura was, how he refused to let his parents shut him out of their lives even though they didn’t understand Sawamura’s bisexuality. He even liked how Sawamura put so much sugar in his coffee, it had to be more sugar than coffee.

“If you don’t want to be with me-”

“Stop, you know- god, you know how untrue that is.” Kuroo could see the frustration on Hinata’s face, but the other man swallowed it down. “I love you, you will always be my first love, and I will always be yours, but Tetsurou, while you will be my only love, I won’t be yours. I won’t let that happen, do you understand me?”

“I don’t love Sawamura.” Kuroo rasped out, tears in his eyes. He had only known Sawamura for a couple months after all.

“No, not yet, or maybe not ever. Maybe Sawamura isn’t the one for you, but there will be someone else. No, shut up, let me speak. You’re so attractive Tetsurou, but you’re so much more than that. You’re so fucking kind to everyone, you care more about your friends then you ever let on, you’re smart and clever and hilarious, and you deserve to be loved. You deserve to be hugged and touched and kissed, you deserve to have really great sex, and maybe sometimes mediocre sex because it happens.” Hinata grinned and despite himself, Kuroo let out a wet laugh. “I love you, and I always will, and I know you love me. I carved my name into your very soul Tetsu, and it’ll always be there, but that doesn’t mean you can’t love someone else.”


	2. Chapter Two

_“Tetsu, bro, man, my bro-man!” Bokuto yelled before Kuroo had an arm full of Bokuto Koutarou. Kuroo stumbled back before righting himself. It had only taken three years to build enough muscle mass to be able to withstand a full frontal hug attack from Bokuto and not send them both tumbling to the hard, unforgiving gym floor._

_“Bo! Love of my life, stars of my sky!” Kuroo hugged Bokuto back, squeezing hard enough to crack Bokuto’s back. Bokuto’s legs dropped from around Kuroo’s lean waist to the floor before grinning widely._

_“I missed you bro!” Bokuto was back in Kuroo’s arms and Kuroo was laughing despite the drawn out sighs from their team mates around them._

_“You left a Bo-shaped hole in my heart!” Kuroo cried back._

_“You saw each other last weekend.” Akaashi’s soft voice came from somewhere behind Bokuto._

_“You talk every night and text every day.” Kenma added in, though he didn’t look up from his game._

_“They don’t understand our love!” Bokuto cried._

_“Can it even be called love?” Akaashi asked._

_“They don’t know the connection we share!” Kuroo yelled back, still hugging Bokuto._

_“Everyone knows of the weird friendship you have.” Kenma mumbled behind him._

_“Oh, bro, that reminds me! I need to introduce you to my prodigy!” Bokuto jumped back then glanced behind him. “What? Akaashi, where did my prodigy go?”_

_“If he’s lucky, far away.” Akaashi deadpanned._

_“Aw, Akaashi.” Bokuto whined, draping himself over his setter. They were at their first overnight training week with the other schools since they had all gotten their new underclassmen._

_“Wow, you’re so good at it.” An impressed voice came from behind Kuroo, dragging all their attention to where Kenma was sitting against the wall, and a kid with the most vibrant orange hair Kuroo had ever seen, was crouched down next to him. Despite the close proximity, Kenma didn’t look panicked. Actually he had tilted his game slightly so the other boy could see._

_“Not really,” Kenma said softly as his fingers continued clicking buttons._

_“Bo, do you have your phone on you?” Bokuto handed over his phone without question and Kuroo proceeded to take pictures of the two underclassmen. “My Kenma is finally making friends of his own.”_

_“Shut up.” Kenma replied automatically. The ginger kids face paled. “Not you Shouyou, them.” Shouyou looked up then lost even more color when he realized he had the attention of most of the gym._

_“Bro, that’s my precious prodigy!” Bokuto hopped over to the ginger kid and pulled him into a headlock-hug. The kid looked equal parts surprised, embarrassed, and proud. He was adorable. “Introduce yourself.” Bokuto pushed the kid forward, who looked nervous before he pulled himself up straight._

_“Hello, I am Hinata Shouyou, I’m a first year at Fukurodani Academy, and I’m going to be the ace!” Hinata Shouyou’s voice got gradually louder until he was shouting at the end. Bokuto covered his mouth and looked like the proudest mama owl ever as the gym fell completely silent._

_“Well he would definitely be a better ace than Bokuto.” Someone said from behind Kuroo. Bokuto’s hand dropped from his mouth._

_“Anyone would be a better ace than Bokuto.” Another person spoke up, and Bokuto slumped forward._

_“At least Hinata won’t fall apart during games.” A third voice said. Bokuto fell to his hands and knees on the gym floor. Kenma kept playing his game with a sigh._

_“Bokuto is the greatest ace!” Hinata spun towards Bokuto. “He’s going to teach me everything he knows and in three years I’ll be a great ace like him!” Bokuto looked like he was really going to cry now._

_“Come on Hinata, let's work on your recieves first.” Akaashi spoke softly, pulling his underclassmen away from the overwrought Bokuto. Kenma slid away when no one was looking. Kuroo knelt next to Bokuto._

_“Your prodigy is fucking adorable.” Kuroo said, watching as Hinata spoke with what seemed like his whole body. Motioning wildly and jumping up and down. Even stoic Akaashi had a small fond smile on his face._

_“He is!” Bokuto jumped up, as if he hadn’t just had a meltdown a second ago. “He’s a middle blocker.” Kuroo raised his eyebrows in surprise. Kuroo was nearly 190 centimeters, that kid had to be 30 centimeters shorter than Kuroo. Height mattered a lot in volleyball, but there were positions that could overcome the disadvantage of the vertically challenged. Middle blocker wasn’t one of those positions._

_“Are you trying to crush him?” Kuroo asked._

_“You just wait, he is my prodigy after all.” They both looked over just in time to see Hinata receive a ball with his face._

A week later found Kuroo on a morning run with Sawamura.

“So wait, you’re an actual private investigator?” Sawamura asked, keeping up a nice slow rhythm that still had Kuroo breathing heavily.

“It’s not as glamorous as the movies make it out to be.” Kuroo smirked over at Sawamura. “No dames walking into my dimly lit office, asking for help and draping themselves across my desk.”

“So your office is nicely lit?” Sawamura teased, a glint in his eyes that made it fall just right before flirting. Kuroo liked that, he was comfortable with that.

“Wonderfully, I actually inherited the business from the man who trained me and took a chance on a dumb kid.” Nekomata had been harsh, but he had been great. Despite Kuroo’s talents in volleyball and his good test scores, he couldn’t afford college when his family kicked him out and disowned him. Nekomata had taken a chance on him, let him set up a futon in the back storage area and taught him everything he knew.

“Do you assist the local police with investigations?” Sawamura asks cheekily.

“Oh yeah, right in between hunting down crime bosses and solving bank heists.” Kuroo is breathing heavier now, but he refuses to give up and ask for a break, especially since Sawamura doesn’t even have the decency to be winded.

“And you still have time to go jogging with me? I’m honored.” Teasing shouldn’t be allowed while doing strenuous physical activities.

“You should be.” Kuroo smirks and Sawamura laughs before nudging him off the path, slowly to a walk before stopping so they can take drinks out of their water bottles. “I remember when I use to live on four hours of sleep, had three separate volleyball practices a day, went to school, studied for hours and still found time to play video games. It’s barely 9 in the morning, we’ve been running for a whole twenty minutes and I want to take a nap.” Sawamura laughs again, and Kuroo admits that it’s a nice laugh. Deep and throaty, genuine and sweet.

“Come on old man, at least another twenty minutes before you can nap. Though I suggest a shower first, you are very sweaty.” They both resume their jogging.

“Daichi is so nice, he’s such a good guy.” Kuroo mocks in a falsetto voice. “Bah, what a bunch of shit, you’re mean.”

“No one will ever believe you.” Sawamura picks up the speed with a grin, and because Kuroo is still dangerously competitive, he runs faster despite his lungs warning him that they can’t keep this up.

_Kuroo couldn’t believe how quickly his third year was flying by. He had waited two long years, being looked down upon and mistreated by his upperclassmen, a year of waiting for Kenma to join their team, and another year until he could actually play with him because the upperclassmen didn’t see just how great Kenma was at volleyball. Two years of practices and training and strategizing until his body caught up with his mental game, until he could block just about anyone. Now they were into their second training camp of the year, then would come their first tournament. Just two training camps and one tournament after that and Kuroo would be forced to graduate._

_He could always make himself fail. Could continue to play with his underclassmen._

_No, he needed to get out of his parents house. Kuroo had accepted his sexuality when he was about 12, though he couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t prefer boys over girls. The older Kuroo got it’s like his parents could sense that in him, and their homophobic talk took on a whole new aspect when one of Kuroo’s classmates came out as gay and some guys took it upon themselves to try and beat it out of him._

_Kuroo could remember his parents discussing it calmly at the dinner table. The boy deserved it, his parents should have raised him better, he should be kicked out of school, and so on until Kuroo’s stomach had nearly rebelled. Some small, childish part of him that believed his parents would love him no matter what died that night._

_Kuroo had took the first opportunity to escape over to Kenma’s house. He had forgotten that Hinata Shouyou was staying over for the weekend. Kuroo had been a mess, trying to apologize and back out but Kenma’s strong grip on his wrist wouldn’t let him escape easily. Hinata had jumped up and pulled Kuroo into the spot he had just vacated, handing him the controller before disappearing for a full hour as Kuroo chokingly spat out what his parents had said. Kenma, quiet as always, had listened through the entire thing as they continued to play, even when Kuroo’s vision was too blurred by tears to see anything clearly._

_Hinata had appeared with grilled salted mackerel pike, Kuroo’s favorite, and proceeded to lift the mood by telling Kenma and Kuroo all about his middle school volleyball career, which consisted of three years of practicing by himself and exactly one game. Hinata had laughed through the stories, even what must had been a crushing defeat but he never let his dream die. That night, as Kenma took his bed while Kuroo and Hinata shared the futon, Hinata slipped his warm hand into Kuroo’s and fallen asleep a moment later._

_Two days of the camp were already over, and Kuroo could only admit to himself that he was harboring a small crush on Hinata Shouyou. Hinata who still stuttered and was in awe of just about every person he met at the camp. Hinata who ate like a starving man, practiced like he’d never run out of energy, and befriended every person he met._

_Liking Hinata Shouyou wasn’t the problem, it was the fact that other people were starting to notice. His own team was bad enough, he had accepted they would know his every mood when he started to tell them they needed to work as one single entity. They were too damn observant by half not to have picked up on his feelings. Yet some of the members of other teams had started to notice too._

_Kuroo had been so caught up in his own feelings that the had nearly missed that Hinata had developed a crush of his own, a crush he seemed content never to act on, which was completely frustrating to Kuroo. He couldn’t act on his own feelings, he didn’t want to pressure Hinata into anything, and he would seem like a dirty upperclassmen if he did._

_“Found you!” Hinata chirped happily as he swung into the supply closet of the third gym. He tripped over a broom that had fallen before replacing it back with its brethren and grinning up at Kuroo._

_“You were looking for me?” Kuroo smirked despite himself as Hinata rocked on his heels._

_“Yamamoto was wondering where you got off to, the second and first years are done with their showers so the its free for the third years, I offered to go look for you.” Hinata rushed out in his usual exuberant method. “Why are you hiding in the storage room?”_

_“I’m not hiding.” Kuroo answered back quickly, though he was indeed hiding because Bokuto had decided to be observant and saw that his precious prodigy had a crush on his high school rival and decided to be a protective mama owl about the whole thing. How Kuroo went to being best friend to high school rival he wouldn’t know._

_“Do you want to practice?” Hinata asked, grabbing a ball excitedly._

_“Lights out is in an hour.” But Kuroo was following him out and they began to toss the ball back and forth. Kuroo’s arms were already red and bruised from a full day of practice, and then practicing more during their free time before dinner, but he still dutifully returned the ball back to Hinata each time. Kuroo’s own returns arced gracefully right towards Hinata’s waiting arms, but Hinata’s always went too wide or too high or somehow lost momentum right in the middle of them._

_“Sorry,” Hinata apologized sheepishly as they both stared up into the rafters where the ball was now stuck. Kuroo wasn’t even quite sure how the younger boy had done it._

_“I saw you doing the drills with each losing team.” Nekoma had only lost twice, and each time Hinata had run over, bowing respectfully and asking if he could join them. Today’s drills had been diving, and Hinata had gone from impressively slamming full force onto the ground, to actually diving mediocrely._

_“Yeah, I need a lot more practice than everyone else.” Hinata admitted with no amount of heat or bitterness. It was just a fact, almost everyone in each of the teams had middle school experience with volleyball, or they had transferred from another sport. Hinata didn’t have any of that._

_“How come you never joined a different sport in middle school? It wouldn’t have helped with your volleyball technique but it would have helped with conditioning.” Hinata had energy, and once he built up his muscles and conditioning he would be a force to reckon with._

_“I joined soccer my first year, because height doesn’t really matter there and I’m fast.” Hinata was more than fast, there was only a handful of guys who could keep up with his speed. Nekoma’s own ball of never ending energy Inuoka and Hinata got along so well it was like they had been friends since they were born._

_“What happened?” Kuroo asked, noting the disconnected look on Hinata’s usually expressive face. This was nothing like the intense look Hinata got when he was fully focused on something. This was like Hinata was trying to distance himself from something._

_“Nothing,” Hinata shrugged but then he sighed when the lie didn’t rest well. “They told me they didn’t want a faggot on their team.” Kuroo’s shoulders tensed, a horrible rage that was usually reserved for when someone picked on Kenma because he was small and quiet and awkward, bubbled up and he had his hand on Hinata’s shoulder before he could even remember moving._

_“Hinata-” Kuroo’s words were choked off as Hinata turned his face and rubbed his cheek against Kuroo’s hand on his shoulder. Kuroo was use to Bokuto’s free touches, once and awhile when Bokuto got really excited on Kuroo’s behalf he would rain kisses down on Kuroo’s face until someone pulled him off. Yet Hinata, with his cheek resting on Kuroo’s hand and his eyes closed gently, that touch was strangely more intimate than every kiss Bokuto had ever pressed over his face._

_Kuroo’s thumb gently traced a line on Hinata’s cheek._

_“Kuroo you dirty pervert!” Kuroo was tackled to the ground. “I’m going to make you eat my dirty gym shorts!” Bokuto was wrestling with Kuroo, using his surprise attack and hefty muscles to his advantage. “Touch my son, I don’t- oof!” Kuroo managed to topple Bokuto off and quickly tried to pin him to the ground._

_“Bro calm down!” Kuroo tried._

_“Death before dishonour!” Bokuto fought with a renewed vengeance._

_“I would never dishonour you, I’d die a thousand deaths before that!” Kuroo yelled and heard a sigh from behind him that could only be produced by Akaashi. “There, there Bo, deep breaths.” Kuroo ran his hand through Bokuto’s hair, which was down and a little wet from his shower. Bokuto’s reaction was nearly instant, his body going slack as his head moved to be touched more. “That’s a good Bo.” Kuroo cooed._

_“-Akaashi it isn’t Kuroo’s fault, I’m the one who started it.” Hinata’s soft voice said, causing Bokuto’s eyes to snap open._

_“Uh-oh.” Kuroo whispered._

_“You come into my home-” Kuroo got off Bokuto, holding his hands in a placating manner. “You disrespect me, you disrespect my husband-” Akaashi made a dissatisfied noise. “You shit on my lawn-”_

_“No one shit anywhere!”_

_“You seduce my son!” Kuroo took off nearly slamming into Yaku in his haste to exit the gym. “Come back here you dirty scoundrel and take your punishment like a man!”_

_“I am not eating your disgusting shorts Bo!”_

_“Dishonour on you! Dishonour on your house!”_

A month later saw Kuroo and Sawamura resting on a bench on a chilly morning. Summer was slowly losing its harsh edges as it eased in fall. It made running in the early mornings a little easier, though Kuroo wasn’t near the stamina he had in college.

Sawamura was stretched out on the bench beside Kuroo, his face turned up towards the warming sun and his long legs stretched out in front of him. It was in this relaxed pose, on this Sunday of no interest that Sawamura started to tell Kuroo about Sugawara Koushi.

Sugawara, or Suga as everyone called him, had played on his mediocre volleyball team in high school. They had become friends easily, slipping into a daily pattern of school, volleyball, and studying with each other. By their third year Sawamura had become captain, while Sugawara was his co-captain. On a random day that Sawamura can’t recall, as Sugawara and Sawamura were studying for a test that no longer mattered, Sugawara had confessed to Sawamura. Sawamura had liked Sugawara practically since first meeting him, so it was only natural that he confessed back.

“Not much changed outwardly, we couldn’t hold hands or kiss or even sit too close to each other like other couples.” Sawamura didn’t look particularly bothered by that, but Kuroo had long ago guessed that Sawamura wasn’t into public displays of affection anyways. “We had planned to get an apartment together after we got accepted into colleges that were near enough to each other.” They had graduated, and Sawamura was packing up his bedroom at his parents house when he got the call.

Sugawara wasn’t feeling well so he couldn’t make it to the dinner they were planning to have with another third year. Sawamura hadn’t thought anything of it, he had told Sugawara to rest up and he’d drop by after the dinner. By the time the dinner was over Sugawara was already dead.

Kuroo hadn’t even known there were illnesses that could kill you within a day's span. It was all he could think about when Sawamura told him the story. His mind was just stuck on that, even as Sawamura continued on, as if he told the story often. Kuroo found out later he did, because he ran a support group to help cope with loss of a loved one.

“I was useless for like five months.” Sawamura shifted, bending his legs as two joggers ran past their bench. “I couldn’t help but thinking that everything was pointless. What was the point of going to college if Koushi wasn’t there? What was the point of moving into my apartment if Koushi wasn’t there? All I did mostly was sleep.”

It made sense as to why Sawamura was always understanding of Kuroo. Kuroo could see people get annoyed with him, wondering why he couldn’t just move on. As if there was a time limit on grief. Sawamura never looked annoyed, he never got offended with Kuroo called off their jogs, he never tried to push Kuroo to join their volleyball team. Sawamura never got offended if Kuroo suddenly became quiet because something that had happened or was said reminded him of Hinata. Sawamura didn’t react negatively because he knew what it was like.

“What changed?” Kuroo asked because obviously something had changed. Sawamura had gone to college, graduated, played volleyball, made friends, and continued on living.

“A video.” Sawamura took a long drink of his water before continuing. “We had all made these videos that we were suppose to bury after dinner, a time capsule of 18 year old us that we were suppose to come back to every 10 years with a new video and to watch the old ones, together. Asahi, our other friend, sat on the floor by my bed and played the video Koushi had made.”

Sawamura said the video had been clever and cheeky in a way only Sugawara could accomplish. He had berated Asahi, who was apparently a glass hearted giant, and hoped he had worked up the courage to do what he wanted to do, and not what his parents wanted. He had flirted with a future 28 year old Sawamura, hoping they were still together and Sugawara had convinced him to adopt 10 old dogs and they were the old married couple everyone had always teased them to be.

Sawamura and Asahi had cried for a long while. Asahi had finally gotten Sawamura to shower and eat something that wasn’t made in a microwave or came from a convenience store.

“It’s not like I magically became better. It took about two years before I could look at super spicy map tofu-” Sugawara’s favorite. “-without crying, which was really embarrassing in restaurants. I still had really fucking horrible days, days where I couldn’t get out of bed and still didn’t see the point of going to college. It took years for me to stop comparing new friends to Koushi. Years to stop getting mad when people told me that I had to move on because that’s what Koushi would have wanted. What the fuck would they know? Besides a few people, none of them even knew we had been dating. I knew that Koushi wouldn’t want me to mourn him forever, but what did that matter because he was still dead and I was stuck here alone.” Sawamura took a deep breath, shaking out shoulders that had gone tense.

Kuroo knew it was an inappropriate time to notice it, but he really liked when Sawamura swore. He didn’t do it often, the words crass and harsh on his tongue, and Kuroo wondered if he always swore when he was angry. As if non cuss words could never get the point across that he was pissed.

“My last year of college hit hard, and I started drinking and dating heavily. It was horrible.” Sawamura gave a self-deprecating laugh as he rubbed his face.

“I’d like to hear those stories,” Kuroo admitted, earning a grin in response.

“Those stories only come out when I’m drunk, which does not happen often anymore.” Sawamura admitted sheepishly.

“I’ll just have to get you drunk then.” Kuroo couldn’t believe the words had come out, and how much he was actually flirting. His stomach twisted painfully, guilt pushing on his shoulders as Sawamura studied him carefully.

“Maybe one day,” Sawamura said softly, as if he had noticed how uncomfortable Kuroo had gotten. Kuroo sometimes wished Sawamura would push a little more, and then Kuroo could write him off as inconsiderate and a jerk and go back home and pretend this was a failed experiment.

“How long does it take?” Kuroo asked, and somehow Sawamura knew what he meant. How long did it take before the pain subsided, until the want and the grief stopped feeling like knives in his stomach.

“I don’t know, I still have bad days.” Sawamura looked up at the sun, now high in the sky. Kuroo was glad he hadn’t sugar coated it. He didn’t want to move on fully from Hinata, he never wanted to walk by a flower shop and not think instantly of his boyfriend. He never wanted to stop associating volleyball, sunny days, or tamago kake gohan with Hinata. He didn’t want to ever forget the contrast of his bright orange hair with his pale skin, his loud booming laugh, or the feelings that he had for him. He wanted the pain to ease, but he didn’t want Hinata to disappear from him forever.

With those thoughts he started talking about Hinata Shouyou. Stumbling over his words, feeling his chest tighten, he realized this was the first time he had ever spoken to someone about this. It was hard and he hung his head to hide his tears or had to take long drinks from his water bottle when his throat dried up. But he got through it, somehow.

“It’s felt like he’s still here, with me.” Kuroo admitted because he couldn’t admit that his boyfriend was still here. Sawamura, while being incredibly understanding, struck Kuroo as the type of person who didn’t believe in those kinds of things. “But lately it’s like I feel him less and less.” Kuroo hardly saw Hinata during the day anymore, which was why he had been taken on more cases and going out with more people so he wouldn’t have to face his empty apartment. At first Hinata had always been there at night, but he hadn’t been there last night.

Kuroo knew what Hinata was doing, knew it was killing Hinata as much as it was killing Kuroo. Everytime he saw Hinata he thought it might be the last, and he had to stop himself from begging that Hinata not leave again. It wasn’t fair to either of them really, but mostly it was fair to Hinata. He was a social creature, and not being able to see or talk or touch anyone must have been hurting him, though he hardly ever showed it. Kuroo couldn’t be selfish any longer.

“What made you start a support group?” Kuroo asked, his voice an embarrassing rasp.

“Asahi convinced me to go to one and it was horrible.” Sawamura looked angry for a moment. “It was badly managed, horribly handled, just- not good. Made me angry.”

“Ever the captain.” Kuroo muttered and the corner of Sawamura’s mouth curved up.

“It’s good for people, and mine has structure. Sharing helps.” Sawamura shrugged.

“Really? I feel like shit.” Kuroo admitted causing Sawamura to let out a bark of laughter.

“Yeah that’s how it always is at first, the first one is always the worst.” Sawamura kicked his legs out again, crossing them at the ankle. “Leaves you feeling drained and regretting it. How could you have bared yourself at all, let alone to complete strangers? You go home and crash and don’t speak to anyone for days.”

“Hopefully there’s something after that.”

“And then you come back. You think, I’m just going to listen this time. Somehow you end up sharing and you leave feeling once again drained and exposed. You go home, crash, but instead of spending three days in bed, you get up after one. You go back again, you listen, and then you share. This happens repeatedly until the story stops feeling like acid in your throat, and you leave feeling drained but maybe it’s a little nicer this time. It’s like working muscles you haven’t in a while, at first everything aches and groans and you think, this is torture, why would anyone do this? But something keeps you at it, maybe you want to lose five pounds or you want to be healthy, or you want to jog past that guy with the nice legs without sounding like you are having an asthma attack.”

Kuroo’s body has finally relaxed, the tension from telling that story easing slowly out of him.

“So you go back and you find yourself telling the story of how you met instead of how they died. As you speak more you start to remember all the things that had been overshadowed by their death. How if they had a white shirt on they were most definitely going to spill something on it. How their singing voice was soft and charming. It’s all good things at first, and then you remember the embarrassing things. How they laughed so hard one time they peed themselves a little, how they thought letting their sister cut their hair was a good idea and they punched you when you laughed and then made you go shopping for hats with them. Then you start talking about how they were so disgustingly messy, how if you gave them notes or an article of clothing, it always came back stained or sticky.”

Sawamura was beautiful. All his features added up into producing a handsome man, but there was a this light behind his gentle and teasing nature that made him beautiful. How could someone who experienced something so tragic on the cusps of their life beginning turn his life around into something amazing that helped other people on a daily basis?

“Did Sugawara really pee himself?” Kuroo asked to distract himself from the feelings bubbling up inside him. Telling the story of how Hinata had died had stripped him of all his defenses and left him bare, that should have left him terrified, but he felt safe with Sawamura.

“He most certainly did not pee himself on a public bus because he had insisted that he didn’t need to go to the bathroom before the trip back from Tokyo to Miyagi even though he had downed a large drink.” Kuroo laughed as Sawamura elbowed him. “I said he didn’t do that Kuroo, stop laughing. I’d never tell such an embarrassing story about another person. Like I’d never tell anyone that a six year old girl made my giant of a friend cry in the middle of a playground, and the mother had to come over and apologize. I would never say any of that.”

_Kuroo and Hinata did not officially start dating until Hinata graduated from high school. They didn’t officially start dating then, but there had been some steamy make out sessions during Kuroo’s third year of high school. After Kuroo had graduated he had told his parents he was gay, and they had promptly kicked him out and disowned him. He hadn’t wanted to bring Hinata into his life when it was at an all time low, and he wanted to let Hinata experience high school as a whole._

_Getting a job at Nekomata’s detective agency was a lucky break. Even luckier seemed to be the soft spot the old man had for Kuroo and let him crash in one of the back rooms. Mostly Kuroo dealt with the customers and made food runs until he was updated to photographer after a year and half of working there._

_The first night that Hinata was in student housing he had texted Kuroo and invited him over. He hadn’t mentioned that his roommates wouldn’t be moving in for another couple days and they’d have the place to himself. No, they hadn’t really talked at all that first night in Hinata’s room, where the only thing Hinata had set up was his bed. Some detective Kuroo was, missing that big clue until Hinata had pushed him onto it._

_Because Hinata was in an apartment instead of the dorms, he had his own washer and dryer and kitchen, instead of having to share with the whole dormitory. It always meant Hinata had three roommates instead of the dorms standard one._

_Kuroo gathered the soiled sheets and clothes, his face burning as he stuffed them into the washer. Hinata was showering first, and Kuroo tried not to think about the fact that neither of them had even bothered trying to clean themselves before passing out the previous night._

_Kuroo would never mention that he had done research. Between what happened with his parents, being homeless for a short period, living with Kenma for another period, and then finally living in what was basically a storage room, Kuroo didn’t have much experience with sex. Actually he had no experience except for the few things that Hinata and he had done together before they were forced to stop because they were in a supply closet or one of their parents had come home._

_Kuroo didn’t know why, but he always had a feeling that Hinata and he would end up together after the younger man graduated. Of course he hadn’t expected to have sex with him on his first night of freedom at his new university, but Kuroo wasn’t really complaining. It had been slightly awkward, more sweaty than anyone had mentioned, and sticky._

_“Are you sore?” Kuroo asks after they are both showered and he’s making instant ramen because that’s all Hinata has._

_“Tetsu!” Hinata has a hand covering his face, but Kuroo can still see how red it is, how the redness has spread to his ears. Kuroo remembers how that flush can spread down Hinata’s chest and he has to force himself to think of the one time Bokuto stepped in poop and while he was hopping around, trying to get it off, some flung and hit Kuroo in the face._

_“Are you?” Kuroo asks again, trying not to grin as Hinata drops his hand and gives him a sour look._

_“A little.” Hinata mumbles and he’s glaring even before Kuroo gets his retort out._

_“Sorry,” Kuroo tries not to grin, tries not to find a little satisfaction in that fact but something must give him away because suddenly his side is hurting from where Hinata nailed him. Three years of volleyball training has made him stronger than he was._

_“Get that dumb look off your face.”_

_“This is just my face.”_

_“Hate it.”_

_“That’s not what you were saying last night.” Kuroo distracts Hinata with a bowl of ramen before his boyfriend can get another smack in. They sit down on the couch together and Kuroo begins to feel a little guilty. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Kuroo had tried to be careful, but he was afraid his inexperience and his eagerness in the moment might have made him go too fast._

_“No, it’s just a little-” Hinata waves his chopsticks around before sighing. “Sore. I’ll be fine in a couple days, which sucks because my roommates will have moved in by then.” Kuroo’s chopsticks hang suspended halfway to his mouth as the implication of Hinata’s words hit him._

_“You want to do it again?” Kuroo asks just to make sure._

_“Yeah.” Hinata said without hesitation before looking over at Kuroo. “Don’t you?”_

_“Yes.” If he says it a little too enthusiastically then Kuroo doesn’t embarrassed because Hinata’s smiling that sunshine smile of his._

_“We weren’t very good at kissing at first.” They hadn’t been. Hinata had no experience and far too much enthusiasm. Kuroo had a little more experience but there was a lot to take into order. The first time had ended with Kuroo’s lip being split open when Hinata had tried to jump while Kuroo had been bending down. The next couple times weren’t much better, though no more blood was spilt._

_In a way it was like when they played volleyball together. At first it was a bit of a mess. There playing styles were just too different and didn’t mesh well, but they both adjusted their game a little and they finally managed to sync up. Kuroo’s powerful defense combined with Hinata’s surprisingly quick attacks made them a challenge to any other team._

_“So what you’re saying is we should practice?” Kuroo asks and Hinata nods in answer, quickly finishing off his ramen before placing his and Kuroo’s empty bowls on the floor. “You want to practice right now? I thought you were sore.”_

_“We’re not going to have sex stupid,” Hinata pushes his way into Kuroo’s lap, who's surprised at the weight the other had gained. He had only grown three centimeters during his high school career, three centimeters he was very proud of and cherished, but Kuroo was beginning to realize he had gained more than that. Hinata might have been short but he was in no way small. “I haven’t kissed you in a year and last night we were a little occupied with other things.” They had kissed at Kenma’s graduation party a year ago. Kuroo would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought of that night a lot in the past year._

_“Someone’s pushy,” Kuroo teased but there was no masking the pounding of his heart when Hinata was this close._

_“You made me wait for two years.” Hinata brushed his lips over Kuroos, making the older man let out an embarrassing whine when he pulled back. “No more waiting, your mine now.” Hinata smile was blinding, it was the last thing Kuroo saw before Hinata was finally, finally, kissing him.  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was only suppose to be a quick story, how did it become three chapters?


	3. Chapter Three

“How’s this?” Kuroo asked as he zipped up his pants and held his arms out.

“Great, as great as the seven other outfits you tried on looked.” Hinata teased from his sprawled out position on their bed. Kuroo had nearly called and cancelled a dozen times when he realized Hinata was home that night. He just wanted to curl up and watch weird nature documentaries with Hinata. “You’re just going out with friends, why are you so nervous?”

“New friends, I haven’t made new friends since I was 16 years old.” Kuroo looked at himself in the full length mirror attached to the door of his closet. “Is this too much black?” Hinata snorted. “Stop, I’m serious!”

“You’re adorable.” Kuroo felt his cheeks heat up and his heart picked up its rhythm. It’s not as if Hinata had been cold to him the past two months, he was still cheerful and friendly as ever, but it was the same cheerful and friendliness he showed to everyone else.

“Maybe I should say I can’t go.” Kuroo pulled off his black hoodie, tossing it to the ground.

“No!” Hinata shouted, causing Kuroo to jump. “I mean-sorry, damnit, I just mean that you shouldn’t do that unless you really want to. Daichi’s a good guy, yeah? Then chances are you’ll like his friends too. Most of them played volleyball so you have an in there, everyone loves a good detective story too.”

It had been roughly two months since Kuroo and Sawamura had talked about their deceased exes on a park bench. Kuroo had gone to one of Sawamura’s support group meetings, not surprised by how well he led the group or how they all looked to him for guidance and leadership. Hinata had gone too, sitting crossed legged on the floor and listening to everyone's stories with an intense experience. Kuroo was telling his own story before he realized what was happening, choosing to stare down at his shoes rather than catch Hinata’s expression. When Kuroo was done, when he had finally looked up, Hinata had been gone.

Hinata disappeared for three days and on the third day Kuroo had curled up in his bed, preparing to be there for the long haul before Hinata popped up again and Kuroo could finally breath.

“You’ll be fine.”

Kuroo was fine. He didn’t know what to expect, but the diverse group of friends shoved into Sawamura’s apartment was not it. There was the glass hearted giant, Azumane Asahi, who even though Kuroo was taller than, he seemed wider. Muscular and a little wild looking if his long hair, pulled back into a bun, and the tattoos peaking out from the sleeves of his sweater. Kuroo had thought Azumane was a little wild looking, until he met Nishinoya Yuu. He was loud, brash, and highly energetic, and seemed to get off on making Azumane stutter and blush while simultaneously making sure the tall man felt comfortable at all times. Kuroo was reintroduced to Ennoshita, and judging by the way Tanaka Ryuunosuke charged over, Kuroo was pretty sure Hinata had called it when saying Tanaka was a little in love with Ennoshita. There was the lovely, soft spoken Shimizu Kiyoko, who Kuroo learned had also been in the same grade and school as Sawamura and Azumane. Yachi Hitoka was a nervous adorable little thing, who apologized profusely for not knowing Kuroo’s name, even though it was the first time they had met.

“Stop studying them.” Sawamura said as he came up next to where Kuroo was, standing in the kitchen and watching Tanaka and Ennoshita interact on the other side of the living room.

“Can’t help it, I’m addicted to Korean dramas too.” This caused Sawamura to laugh and Kuroo huffed indignantly. “It’s a perfectly fine pastime!”

“Yes, for a 14 year old girl.” Sawamura teased. Kuroo couldn’t help but feel like his own friends would fit in seamlessly with Sawamura’s friends. Bokuto would no doubt love Nishinoya and Tanaka, Akaashi would get along with Azumane and Shimizu, while Kenma would- well, Kenma would still probably feel overwhelmed. Though Kuroo was sure no one in his group would feel offended if Kenma spent the night with his nose in his phone. Kuroo had watched Azumane take a couple breaks by going out on the balcony, Nishinoya following a couple minutes later and pressing his face into Azumane’s back until the taller man was good to come back inside. Yachi could be heard sometimes in the bathroom, talking herself down from a panic attack until Shimizu went and effectively helped her.

“Rude Sawamura,” Kuroo turned his attention back to the other two men. “Maybe I should hit on Ennoshita?”

“I wouldn’t, Tanaka will encourage it, Ennoshita will feel horrible, and they’ll both leave early and separately.” Sawamura said as if it had happened a couple times. Kuroo had learned that Ennoshita was actually Sawamura’s cousin, they had grown up together even though they lived four hours apart. Ennoshita had never been romantically or sexually attracted to anyone, until a year into his friendship with Tanaka he developed romantic feelings towards the other man.

“The problem, dear grasshopper, is Tanaka is under the assumption that Ennoshita doesn’t harbor romantic tendencies for anyone.” Kuroo said sagely.

“I thought the problem was Tanaka is straight?” Sawamura asked, eyebrows raised because he hadn’t apparently realized how Tanaka felt for his cousin.

“Maybe he is towards everyone but Ennoshita? Love, emotions, hormones don’t really adhere to any rules set by humankind. They do whatever the fuck they want to do and we’re all just along for the ride.” Kuroo smirked as he nodded towards the other two men. “I don’t know about any of that, but what I do know, is those two want to be with the other one.” Sawamura studied Kuroo’s face, weighing and judging the validity of his words against what Sawamura already knew about Kuroo. Kuroo, who acted rough and sarcastic, but who actually cared deeply about the people around him. Kuroo, who wouldn’t hurt anyone he cared about.

“You really think they like each other?” Sawamura finally asked.

“I know it, I bet my business on it.” Kuroo made his business on being able to read people. Sawamura nodded before walking over to the two men. Kuroo raised his eyebrows as he watched Sawamura lean down and talk quietly to both of them.

Ennoshita flushed and looked down, his shoulders hunching slightly as if he was trying to protect himself. Tanaka on the other hand, he was watching Ennoshita’s face, his mouth set in a firm line as his eyes darted over the other man's features. Sawamura was walking away when Tanaka started speaking, or more like shouting. Everyone turned their attention to the two men over by the window.

“Chikara would you like to come out to dinner with me tomorrow?” Tanaka’s body language was completely open. Kuroo could tell he was fighting the instinct to lean into Ennoshita’s space, but he didn’t want to crowd him.

“Tanaka-” Ennoshita was trying to distance himself, because before he had been calling Tanaka by his first name. “You like women.”

“I do, but I love you, I think I have for a couple years and at first I thought it was just friendship, the way I love Noya but I don’t think about kissing Noya.” Azumane stuttered as Noya pouted and Ennoshita turned red when he realized the entire room was watching them.

“Ryuu.” Ennoshita said softly, almost a sigh.

“We’ll be back!” Tanaka announce before grabbing Ennoshita’s arm and pulling him out of the apartment. Kuroo hadn’t thought Tanaka was particularly observant, no he had instinctively known Ennoshita was uncomfortable and had moved to a more private place.

“I can’t believe you did that.” Kuroo said to Sawamura, who had resumed his place next to him.

“Both of them will be more happy with this out in the open, if I had known before I would have said something. At some point when you become an adult you think bottling your feelings all up is somehow the only option. I much prefer when we all blurted out our feeling and got everything out. Things fester if you don’t.” It was frustrating how right Sawamura was, but Kuroo didn’t have to admit it just yet.

“Alright Dadchi.” Sawamura choked on his beer.

“Who told you that nickname?” Sawamura looked like he was on the verge of shaking the answer out of Kuroo.

“They call you it too?” Kuroo howled with laughter, laughing even harder as Sawamura poked and prodded him and found, to his delight, that Kuroo was extremely ticklish.

Several hours later Kuroo headed home, slightly surprised when Azumane and Nishinoya came along. They all were heading to the subway. Kuroo was a little sad when he watched their hands drop from each other and how they moved slightly apart when they began walking down the street.

“Asahi,” Nishinoya whispered, causing Azumane to flinch and rub the back of his neck while glancing over at Kuroo. Obviously they had planned their exit at the same time for a reason.

“I’m sorry if this comes off as rude-” Azumane stuttered out before Nishinoya interrupted.

“Asahi can see the dead, and he saw a little guy with orange hair show up at the party, watch you, and then disappear. Asahi also saw him at the support group meeting, and you clearly could see him too.” Nishinoya rushed out despite his flailing boyfriend's attempts to quiet him. Kuroo instantly felt a flush of guilt. Had Hinata seen him flirting with Sawamura? He hadn’t meant it, had tried to interact with the other people at the small gathering, but Sawamura was easy to talk to and Kuroo felt grounded around him. Why did he feel guilty for enjoying himself at a party that Hinata wanted him to go to?

“I-I’m sorry, we shouldn’t have- that was not how, I’m sorry.” Azumane took a deep breath, straightening himself out and even though Kuroo was slightly taller than the other man, he seemed to take up more space for a moment. There was a hard, intense look in his usually soft eyes. “I do not tend to involve myself with others affairs, but Daichi has been through enough. He might seem strong and put together but sometimes- sometimes-” Azumane seemed to lose some steam but Kuroo knew the end of that sentence.

‘I still have bad days,’ is what Sawamura had told him sitting on the bench in the park.

“You seem like a good guy despite the hair-” Kuroo was only slightly insulted, but mostly because Nishinoya’s dyed hair was ridiculous looking. Kuroo had stopped trying to fight his bedhead sometime in high school. “But our first concern has to be towards Daichi, and we can’t let him pine over a guy who’s still seeing his dead boyfriend.”

“Yuu- that’s not- you could have put it differently!” Azumane said, stuttering as he waved his hands furtively.

“See the thing is, Daichi is a good person, and he would never just be after you for a relationship. He won’t mind being your friend, but we can all see how much he already likes you. We had to watch that with Chikara, we’re not willing to go through it again with Daichi, especially when he deserves someone who can commit to him completely.” Nishinoya soldiered on, and Kuroo couldn’t help but respect him for it. Kuroo couldn’t be offended, they were just looking out for their friend.

“I don’t know how to move on,” Kuroo admitted softly and that seemed to take the offensive edge that Nishinoya had gained towards him.

“There’s not as many ghosts as some people think, they aren’t anchored to this world- or-or this plane of existence, however you want to look at it. Most move on immediately, and they can’t seem to interact with each other either. It’s lonely, you being able to see him, that’s a rarity.” Azumane explained, staring up at the sky, trusting his boyfriend to navigate him and make sure he didn’t run into anything. “Some stick around for a bit, and fewer tether themselves to something- to someone. They can’t move on until they know that that someone is going to be alright.”

“It’s hard, moving on, but I wouldn’t want my sister stuck where she can’t speak or interact with anyone.” Nishinoya’s little sister had died five years prior. The support group Sawamura held was where Nishinoya and Azumane had met for the first time.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone.” He didn’t want to hurt Sawamura, and he definitely did not want to hurt Hinata, but in reality he knew he was making all three of them suffer.  
 _Kuroo was 22 when Hinata, 20, got into their first big argument. It was an explosive one, so many hurtful things said on both sides that Kuroo couldn’t even remember what sparked the argument in the first place. He knew it was mostly due to their busy schedules that seemed the complete opposite of each other. If Hinata had free time then Kuroo was busy working at the detective agency or picking up extra hours at the bar he had been working at for a couple months. If Kuroo had free time then Hinata was busy with classes or a paper or volleyball. It didn’t help that Hinata’s university was over an hour away, neither had a car and both were decidedly broke._

_It also didn’t help that Kuroo was exhausted most of the time from days spent at the agency and nights spent bartending or following other people's spouses. Seeing just how many spouses cheated on each other was making Kuroo a little bitter too. Kuroo had managed to find a small apartment in between both of his jobs that was cheap, but one of his neighbors and a very active sex life, another had a dog that barked at any noise, and a third enjoyed listening to classical music at ear drum shattering levels._

_Kuroo knew Hinata was stressed too, there were a lot of thing Kuroo hadn’t told Hinata because he didn’t want to add anymore burden to his shoulders. This was obviously the wrong thing to do because Hinata could tell Kuroo was keeping stuff from him. After Kuroo had pointed out Hinata was being shifty and always changed the subject himself, things went downhill fast._

_It had been five days since they last spoke, and Kuroo wanted to break something. It wasn’t that either of them were particularlly clingy, but it was rare for them to even go a couple hours without texting each other. Hinata always sent Kuroo random pictures throughout his day, and Kuroo found his days really sucked without those pictures._

_Kuroo snatched up his phone when it started ringing, but his shoulders slumped when he realized it was Kenma. He felt bad for that reaction and answered more cheerful than he felt to make up for it._

_“Ohoho, does someone miss their upperclassman?” Kuroo leaned back from his desk, stretching out his sore muscles. He hadn’t even realized how long he had been bent over his computer._

_“Shut up,” Kenma sighed, which was a usual greeting between them. “You need to talk to Shouyou. So called me.” Kuroo was a bit miffed that Inuoka hadn’t called him instead of Kenma, but he knew it was understandable. Inuoka had been at school and played volleyball with Kenma for a year longer than Kuroo. “He’s worried about Shouyou, several people are.”_

_“And they are calling you about it?” Kuroo asked, but his mind was focused on Hinata. Now that Kuroo could see past his own anger and hurt, it was weird for Hinata to give the silent treatment. Actually, part of Kuroo had been expecting Hinata to bust into his office or apartment just to yell at him more. Hinata wasn’t prone to silence, nor was was the type of person to remain angry for long._

_“Yes,” Kenma sighed again, showing what he thought about people bugging him. It showed how much he cared about Hinata to involve himself in their problems. “He’s barely responding to my texts.” Something in Kuroo’s chest gave a painful flip. “I think this has more to do with than just your fight.”_

_“Thanks Kenma,” Kuroo hung up and set about closing up the office. Nekomata would be a little miffed, but Hinata was more important. He grabbed his bag and called a couple of his coworkers, asking them to cover his shift. Thankfully most of them were pretty broke too so he was able to get the next three night cleared. He was willing to camp outside Hinata’s dorm if he had to._

_The trip there was a panicked blur, and Kuroo found himself at Hinata’s old student housing before remembering he had gotten a new one for his second year at university. The look on his face must have been frightening because people moved out of his way when he ran past. Or maybe that was because they didn’t want to get into the way of a 188 centimeter, 78 kilogram running mass hurdling towards them._

_“Can I help you?” A guy a couple centimeters shorter than him asked after opening the door Kuroo had knocked on. There was a look of barely hidden disdain on his face, and Kuroo wondered briefly if Hinata had told his roommates about their fight. Kuroo didn’t remember Hinata being particularly close to his new roommates, but then again Hinata befriended everyone he met._

_“Is Shouyou here?” Kuroo asked, trying to get his ragged breathing under control and attempting to make himself look less like a lunatic that had run all the way from the station to the wrong student housing and then to the right one._

_“No.” And then the door was slammed in his face. Kuroo felt a muscle twitch near his jaw in agitation but he bit that down and leaned against the wall to wait for Hinata to show up._

_If Kuroo had taken a minute to push back his fear and anxiety, he would have remembered that Hinata’s volleyball practice ran from 1500 to 1700 each day. With a quick look at his phone he realized he had nearly an hour until it was over, not counting the extra time Hinata always used afterwards._

_Kuroo was ready to sit for the long haul, so he was surprised when Hinata showed up a little after 1700. Hinata looked even more surprised to see Kuroo sitting by his door, which he nearly missed since his eyes had been trained on the ground._

_“Hey,” Kuroo pushed himself up, wishing he had thought to change out of his work clothes. There was only a two year difference between their age, but when Kuroo was dressed professionally and Hinata was dressed in his gym clothes, the age gape looked a little wider._

_“Hey,” Hinata fiddled with the strap of his duffle bag, not quite meeting Kuroo’s eyes. Alarms started to ring loudly in Kuroo’s head._

_“Can we talk?” Kuroo motioned to Hinata’s apartment. Hinata looked hesitant, which hurt Kuroo’s heart, but finally he nodded and silently unlocked the door and led Kuroo in. Surprising was Hinata did not call out to his roommates, more surprising was they didn’t call out to him. Downright shocking was Hinata grabbing both Kuroo and Hinata’s shoes before quickly walking through the apartment._

_Not quick enough though._

_“Fucking faggots,” A whisper that was definitely meant to be heard, a following snicker that made Hinata grab Kuroo’s sleeve and shove him into Hinata’s room._

_Hinata’s old roommates had been fine with Kuroo when they found out they were dating. Well, one of them was never home. The second had been surprised and a little awkward, but got more comfortable as the year went on. The third had not cared, he just wanted to make sure neither of them touched his stash of coffee._

_“What-” Kuroo began to spit out before he actually got a good whiff of Hinata’s room. Hinata let out a soft sound of distress that absolutely wrecked Kuroo, and he watched as the other man hurried to the window and opened it. Kuroo’s attention was soon brought back to the source of the smell. All of Hinata’s clothes were in a pile in the middle of the room, and it reeked of piss. “Shou.”_

_Hinata tried to move away from Kuroo, tried to dodge his hands, but the room was not that big and they both ended back over by the window. Hinata struggled weakly as Kuroo pulled him into a tight hug, before finally Hinata held on tightly and began to sob. He barely made any noise, and Kuroo wondered how often Hinata had to force himself to stay quiet as those assholes harassed him._

_It didn’t take long for Kuroo to get the story out of Hinata, it wasn’t really a long one to begin with. They had been harassing Hinata for months, practically since the beginning of the new school year. It had been slowly increasing throughout that time, and had begun to get physical. Mostly just slamming into him, knocking him back a couple steps or purposely standing in his way so he’d have to squeeze by. They had destroyed most of his belongings, even going so far as to break his laptop and his phone had gone missing a couple days ago._

_Kuroo could feel his anger rising, and some of that was directed at himself. If he had just pulled his own head out of his ass he could had been there for Hinata._

_“Who are you calling?” Hinata asked as he scrubbed his face free of tears. Kuroo gently pulled his hands away before cupping his boyfriends face, frowning when Hinata flinched before leaning into the touch with a sigh._

_“Hey Tora, I need your help.” Kuroo hadn’t talked to Yamamoto in a couple months, but he knew the other man would be willing to help him, and he’d most definitely be willing to help Hinata. He also happened to be the only Nekoma team member that Kuroo knew attended the same university as Hinata. “Do you have room for Hinata to move in?” Yamamoto didn’t even ask why, just asked where they were and said he was on his way._

_“I don’t want to run away.” Hinata spoke softly as Kuroo ran his thumb over his red cheek._

_“You can’t live like this.” Kuroo tried to control his anger, he really did. It wasn’t that Hinata was naive, he knew that homosexuality was taboo where they lived. Hinata knew bad things happened to those who were openly gay, or when people even thought others were homosexual. Yet Hinata hadn’t really had to face any of that himself. Kuroo had his rose colored glasses ripped off at an early age by his own parents, but Hinata’s parents loved him. They even loved Kuroo. On Hinata’s high school volleyball team, no one blinked twice at Hinata’s sexuality because Bokuto had been openly pansexual. Kuroo did not want Hinata to have this type of experience._

_Yamamoto showed up with Onaga Wataru, an old team member of Hinata’s. The thing with Yamamoto was the guy was not scary in the least when he tried to be, he just wasn’t intimidating, especially to anyone who had spoken to him for more than five seconds. Yet when Yamamoto wasn’t trying to be scary, when he was intense and truly angry, he was frightening._

_“Tch.” Yamamoto clicked his tongue, peering into Hinata’s room with his hands deep in his pockets before leveling a look on the shorter of Hinata’s roommates that had tried to keep them from coming in. “Where’s your bedroom kid? Don’t give me that look, apparently you don’t have a proper bathroom and I gotta take a piss.”_

_“Tori,” Onaga sighed, but Kuroo could tell from the stiffness in his shoulders that he was angry too. Onaga had been a middle blocker in his first year with Hinata. He was often the one who had his futon next to Hinata’s at training camp because the ginger rolled around in his sleep._

_Twenty minutes later saw them all all Onaga’s apartment. He came from a fairly wealthy family and since he had his own apartment off campus, he had insisted Hinata come live with him instead of jamming himself into Yamamoto’s overcrowded, messy dorm. Yamamoto had even scared Hinata’s former roommates into handing over his cell phone, which they thankfully hadn’t been able to get into._

_Onaga and Yamamoto had left them in the apartment to take the 20 minute ride to Onaga’s family's house where they would take some of his younger brothers clothes that would fit Hinata. Kuroo knew Hinata was in a bad place when he didn’t even act offended at saying he could fit into a 14 year olds clothes, or insisted that he come along to to thank Onaga’s brother._

_Kuroo and Hinata ended up laying on the futon Onaga had set up for Hinata in the spare bedroom._

_“Both of those guys are on the volleyball team,” Hinata admitted, meaning his former roommates. “They are apart of the majority who hate me.” Kuroo pulled Hinata close, rubbing his back and hating the people who marred volleyball for his boyfriend. “No! No more pity party for me, I know what I’m going to do.” Hinata squirmed his way out of Kuroos hold before pushing him on his back and leaning over him._

_“Are you going to ravish me?” Kuroo asked with a smirk, trying to lighten the mood._

_“No- well yes, maybe later. Probably not the first night I move in with Wataru. Stop distracting me! I had an epiphany.” Hinata’s eyes were golden with intensity._

_“Big word.” Kuroo’s smirk widened before letting out a surprised noise when Hinata straddled his chest._

_“Shut up, listen to me. I have a plan.” Apparently that plan including kissing Kuroo until he was breathless and a little desperate. “I’m not going to let those assholes win, I’m going to go into teaching and I’ll coach or help out with the volleyball team. I’ll make sure no kid gets treated like I did. I’ll give them a safe place. Like you’ve given me.” Kuroo’s heart twisted in his chest._

_“I love you.” Kuroo blurted out, surprising both of them because neither had said it yet, though it was always there._

_“Thank you!” Kuroo groaned and tried to hide his face as Hinata laughed. “No stupid, I love you too. Obviously I love you, obviously.” And Hinata was kissing every inch of skin he could, making Kuroo laugh until he was breathless._

It had been a week since Kuroo had last seen Hinata, and he had spent the last two days in Bokuto’s bed crying until he exhausted himself into sleep. Kuroo had felt like Hinata had been saying goodbye the a week ago, but some small stupid part had thought maybe he’d see the ginger haired man again. Hinata had spent the entire day with him, had smiled and joked with Kuroo, had told him all the things he had loved about the taller man. Kuroo had known it was goodbye, and now he was left feeling the same way he had felt almost three years ago after the accident.

His boyfriend was dead, and Kuroo would never see him again. He would never hear his laugh or hear the weird noises he emitted when he was overwhelmed or surprised or scared. He would never hear Hinata’s over exaggerated stories, his whole body moving as he retold them, each time getting more extravagant than the last. Kuroo would never again make Hinata mad because he forgot to water the plants, or because he let wet towels on the bathroom floor. He no longer had a reason to watch boring nature documentaries.

“Why do you and Akaashi have separate beds?” Kuroo asked as Bokuto made a pillow fort around him.

“Sometimes Akaashi needs his space.” Bokuto replied easily, and it made sense. Akaashi and Kenma had a lot in common in that sense. People drained them, made them anxious and exhausted. Bokuto understood that Akaashi needed time alone sometimes, and Akaashi understood that Bokuto was bipolar and sometimes had episodes.

“How are you doing Bo?” Kuroo asked as Bokuto squeezed into his pillow fort and wiggled his way under the blanket with Kuroo. Bokuto gave Kuroo’s question some thought.

“I have good days and bad days.” Bokuto had tried to large play off his episodes in high school as jokes. He had always thought he could deal with them himself, but when he started playing college volleyball things had taken a turn for the worse. The lows started to hit him more often, stuck around like a stubborn cold, and seemed to be set off by the smallest things. It was actually Akaashi who suggested he go see someone.

“Me too,” Kuroo admitted softly. Bokuto moved closer and tucked Kuroo underneath his chin.

“We’ll get through this bro.” Kuroo was glad he wasn’t alone.

_“I got confused for a first year, again, and got yelled at for being out of uniform, again!” Hinata shouted before he had even taken off his shoes. “I’m 22 years old damnit, I have a degree and I wear a fucking tie! Do you see my tie- Tetsu where are you? Do you see my tie?”_

_“I bought you that tie.” Kuroo said from his sprawled out position on the couch. He was completely naked and yet his boyfriend was too angry to properly notice that the apartment was lit up by candles and there were flowers everywhere._

_“I know you did! I look like a professional!” Hinata stomped to the kitchen and Kuroo heard the refridgerator door open, a moments pause, and then it closed before Hinata slid back into the room. “Why are you naked?”_

_“Thank you for noticing.” Kuroo said drily as he sat up and glared. He definitely was not pouting. 24 year old men do not pout._

_“I’m not complaining, actually the opposite-” Hinata looked around. “This has got to be a fire code violation.”_

_“Hinata!” Kuroo shouted._

_“Why am I being surnamed?” Hinata asked, eyebrows raising._

_“I can’t believe you forgot our anniversary.”_

_“No, no way, our anniversary isn’t until the end of summer and it’s winter!” Hinata thought for a moment. “Are you counting when I was an innocent first year and you seduced me? I was a child.” Hinata laughed as he caught the pillow Kuroo hurled at him._

_“What are you- are you looking at my stomach? I’m fully naked and you’re looking at my stomach rolls!” Kuroo got up angrily, and a little embarrassed. He was a full time, licensed private investigator now. The hours were long and unforgiving, and left no room or energy for working out._

_“It’s cute! We’re getting old and soft together.” Hinata’s apology was ruined by his laughter, and the fact that Hinata often participated in practice with the volleyball team he coached and there wasn’t an kilogram of fat on him. Kuroo stormed off into their bedroom._

_Kuroo wasn’t surprised at the speed, or strength, that Hinata tackled him to their bed, or the fact that he was half undressed even though it had only a couple seconds. Kuroo couldn’t hold onto his embarrassment or anger long as Hinata showed him just how much he appreciated a naked Kuroo._

It had been a year since Kuroo had last seen Hinata. He had moved out of their once shared apartment, but he kept everything of Hinata’s in storage because he wasn’t quite ready to relinquish that connection yet.

A year had passed and Kuroo could finally keep up with Sawamura’s natural speed when they jogged together nearly every morning. A year of gentle teasing and hesitant flirting before they had gone out on their first date. A first date that led to a second and a third, so on and so forth until Kuroo had lost track.

Kissing Sawamura was warm and slow and intense. It built up until Kuroo was gasping for breath even though he was in the best shape he had been in since high school. They were taking things slow, and Kuroo was close to losing his mind. Especially when Sawamura showed up in a tux. Sawamura in normal clothing was attractive enough, him in a tux was downright unfair.

“Well my sister is missing, one of the bridesmaids threw up all over her dress, the ring bearer has eaten or hidden the rings, half the orchestra is stuck in traffic, the best man won’t stop hitting on me, and- are you paying attention Kuroo?” Sawamura stopped his pacing, which was really a shame because Kuroo had been enjoying the stretch of his trousers over his ass and thighs. Kuroo slowly dragged his eyes up the length of Sawamura’s impressive physique. Even completely stressing out over his sister's wedding, Sawamura could read the look in Kuroo’s eyes.

Sawamura was letting Kuroo take the reigns of their relationship, which had been good at first because when they first started dating Kuroo had to fight off feelings of guilt. It wasn’t like he had forgotten about Hinata, he still thought about him often, but he wouldn’t mar his old boyfriend's image by remaining guilty about his feelings towards Sawamura. But Kuroo didn’t know how to take them to that next step, though he figured mauling Sawamura at his sister's wedding, with his family coming and going, was not the right moment to take that step.

What had Sawamura been worried about before? Oh, the wedding.

“Your sister, as amazing as she is, is a little bit of a scatterbrain. She probably just thought of some last minute thing that she needed to do before the wedding and she’ll be back a couple minutes late. Let the wedding coordinator deal with the dress, let the parents deal with the ring bearer, and you still have half an orchestra here. Oh, and Terushima hits on everyone.” Kuroo rubbed Sawamura’s shoulders as the other man came to rest next to him sometime during his speech.

“Has he hit on you?” Sawamura asked and Kuroo nodded. “I’ll kill him.”

“Are you defending my honor?” Kuroo asked with a smirk. Sawamura gave a lazy smile, the one that made Kuroo’s whole body feel warm, before resting his head against the taller mans shoulder. “I want to sleep with you.” Kuroo felt Sawamura stiffen before sitting up straight to look over at Kuroo.

“Come on,” Sawamura threaded his fingers between Kuroo’s before tugging him to his feet and down the hallway.

“I didn’t mean right now, but- yeah, right now is good too!” Kuroo said, a little breathless and a little turned on. Apparently he hadn’t been the only one who had gotten impatient with waiting. “What about the wedding?”

“Like you said, my sister will most likely be late and with everything going on, it’ll be a good 45 minutes before someone notices I’m missing. Also, we’re right next door to our hotel.” Sawamura ticked off the reasons easily, forgetting his past worries.

“45 minutes huh? What could we possibly do for 45 minutes?” Kuroo smirked as he watched Sawamura’s ears turn red.

They made it back to the wedding right when people were beginning to wonder where Sawamura was. Terushima made a couple wolf whistles at their disheveled appearance and dopey, satisfied grins but everyone else was in too much of a frenzy to notice.

Being with Sawamura was new and sometimes frightening. They had come together as adults, fully formed separately adults that slowly learned about the other person instead of growing up together. Hinata would always remain with Kuroo, the same way Sugawara would always be apart of Sawamura.

But Kuroo was glad for Sawamura. Glad they found each other when they were 27, glad they got together at age 28. Kuroo was happy for Sawamura’s never ending patience, his gentleness and sometimes pushy attitude. He was happy Sawamura brought volleyball back into his life, he was happy for the friends he had made in the past year. He was thankful for Sawamura’s soft smiles, competitive nature, and yes, he was thankful for his great body too. 

Kuroo liked the way Sawamura automatically tangled their legs together when they sat on the couch. He liked the way the other man was grumpy in the mornings, and tried to shut Kuroo up by cuddling him. He liked how Sawamura brought lunch to his office because he knew Kuroo had forgotten to eat. He liked when Sawamura shouted ‘nice block!’ even if they were on opposite teams. Recently, he learned he liked when Sawamura was impatient and breathless as he mapped out Kuroo’s body, grinning with satisfaction up at Kuroo when he found out what Kuroo liked.

Kuroo definitely liked the little hickey on the side of Sawamura’s neck that was just peeking out above the collar of his tux. Kuroo also really enjoyed the fact that in Sawamura’s haste to redress, he had put on Kuroo’s red tie instead of the matching blue tie the rest of the men in the wedding party were wearing. The blue tie that Kuroo had on instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that got away from me. Hope you enjoyed it anyways! Sorry it's not edited.

**Author's Note:**

> Who just binge watched two seasons of Haikyuu and can't get it out of their head?  
> This girl!
> 
> Sorry this is unedited!


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